By Maureen St Clair, Certified Compassionate Listening Facilitator
Originally posted on https://maureenstclair.substack.com/
“The truth about stories is that, that is all we are.”
and
“Stories are wondrous and stories are dangerous.”
Thomas King
Oh wondrous and dangerous stories tugging, pulling, shaping, punching us in the belly, flipping us on our heads, stopping us in our tracks, begging us through our bodies to reassess, reconsider, be brave and reengage. Oh wondrous and dangerous stories malleable, transformable, dreamable, palpable, alive to a world that includes everyone’s story.
I think of shame a lot, shame as our collective narrative, our collective shadow. I don’t think any of us escape shame, conscious or unconscious, collective or personal. I reflect often on my Irish story, a story drenched in shame. My ancestors fleeing British terrorists, fleeing war and famine, fleeing hate and domination. I think of my ancestors, settlers on Algonquin unceded and stolen land, land whose people were massacred by same Empires of greed and power and supremacy. I think of my ancestors including my father and Italian mother (whose working class ancestors also fled to Canada) buying into dominant White culture in order to appease their fear of poverty, starvation, discrimination (their fair skin an asset, a card they played immediately). Internalized shame and survival, a driving force in leaving Irish culture behind and adopting, embracing White culture. I also think of my ancestors fleeing sexual violence within the church and families, then fleeing their own bodies, their shame through drink and violence.
My mind moves to another collective story. I recently saw a clip of Jerry Seinfeld walking past a group of fans, a young man asking, “What do you think of what’s happening in Palestine?” Seinfeld answering, “I don’t care about Palestine.” Same fan asks again, “But what about the Palestinian people?” And Seinfeld answers once again, “I don’t care about Palestine.”
I wonder about Seinfeld’s story, his family’s story, the collective story of Jewish people like Seinfeld who may also say so blatantly or not so blatantly to the world, I don’t care about Palestinian people. Just like I imagine many brits said about my ancestors, “I don’t care about the Irish.” Or ruling class Italians saying, “I don’t care about the working class.”
I reflect on Gabor Mate’s shared story, a story of becoming and then unbecoming a Zionist and how he speaks of a deeper story behind the story of Zionism. Becoming a Zionist for Gabor was an antidote to the brutal history of his people. A common story passed down from generation to generation, ‘the whole world is against us and the only way to stay alive is to secure land and an army to defend that land.’ And of the racist imperialist story running through, the nakba of 1948, the world powers deciding whose more worthy of land and supporting the ethnic cleansing through displacement, dispossession and the slaughter of Palestinian people.
I wonder how shame plays out here. the story of ‘if not us then them’, the unimaginable shame carried by Holocaust survivors and their descendants and how shame can metabolize into a sense of survival and superiority to the point of not caring, dehumanizing and justifying genocide through embodying racist narratives and harbouring stories of barbarism of the other.
And yet there are other stories we do not hear in mainstream media, nor in media in general, stories like I heard this weekend from young Israel activists, conscientious objectors of war, refusing to serve in Israel military, choosing imprisonment instead, rejecting Zionism’s war path of apartheid, occupation and genocide. These Israeli youth encouraging other youth to question violent narratives drilled into them since they were small children; youth sharing their stories of resistance and movement building to support other Israeli youth who want to say no to genocide and yes to nonviolence and liberation of all.
How do we pay homage to the stories of our ancestors knowing their stories are a woven tapestry of good, bad and ugly; material made of woven shame, fear, separation? How do we, like the Israeli youth shout loud and proud, ‘not in our name not in the name of humanity?’
What stories will we feed? What stories will we tend to with compassion and discernment? What stories will we untangle, unlearn, let go of and imagine new ones? What stories will we practice these words, “I have a story and I am more than my story”
This is the time to confront, befriend, untether shame through the creation of new stories whether danced, written, planted, collaged, painted, shared with the world. Let us rewild personal and collective shame so we can unite and quench our universal longings for love and belonging; for safety and dignity so we can find what is ours to do in this mad beautiful world in the name of HUMANITY FOR ALL.
Maureen St. Clair is a conflict facilitator and coach with over 15 years of experience, embodying values of equity, diversity, inclusion, creativity, presence, and belonging. Having worked at the Coady International Institute and facilitated programs globally, Maureen operates in both local and global contexts, connecting with diverse people and organizations in Canada and Grenada, West Indies. As an Associate to the People’s Development and co-founder of The Grenada Listening Project (GLP), Maureen is deeply rooted in transformative learning and community practice, believing in the creative force of conflict for personal and social change. Grounded in psychosynthesis teachings, Maureen serves as an embodied conflict coach, fostering integration and growth in internal, interpersonal, and collective conflicts. Their approach as an adult educator, facilitator, and coach centers on creative, participatory, and transformative methods, emphasizing the importance of lived experiences. Beyond conflict facilitation, Maureen is a visual artist and writer, with paintings featured in private collections and public spaces globally, including serving as logos for organizations and book covers. Their debut novel, "Big Island, Small" (Fernwood Publishing 2018), received the Social Justice Beacon award. Advocating for deep engagement, creativity, and connection, Maureen invites individuals to reflect on and work towards transforming relationships at personal, interpersonal, and systemic levels, with a focus on compassionate communication, peacebuilding, and conflict resolution/transformation skills. Their commitment extends to supporting inner work for healthy relationships as a means of empowering the outer work of impacting systems and structures.
You can find more of her writing at https://maureenstclair.substack.com/
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